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Front Page of the New York Post on Sunday:

Dear U.S.A.,

Congratulations. You beat us. What an accomplishment it is, beating one of the top football nations in the world.

Oh by the way, American friends, football is that hugely popular game that everyone in the world plays, except for you.  It’s understandable why you’d want to steal the name of the most popular sport in the world, it is so much better suited to your sport, which is played with the hands.

One other thing: we know you don’t use the word “draw” in the same way we do, but it means “tie”.  I can see your thought process right now: “Tie?  But… that’s not a win! But… what about overtime?”

That’s right, you didn’t win.  The game ended in a tie.  In football, draws are common as scoring is not as easy as tossing a ball into an unguarded net above everyone’s heads or carrying the ball over an unprotected line.

Second, there is no overtime in the group phase of the World Cup.

Third, the goal scored by Clint Dempsey was a combination of luck and a colossal mess-up by Robert Green.  And while, “The U.S. team is mathematically equal to England,” as Jon Stewart so pertinently notes, they are certainly not an equivalent football team.  By the way, he was being facetious.  Look it up.

Actually, most of you probably dazed out during the game – not enough beer/pee breaks, or whistles and stoppages for your brains to catch up.  For you, we offer the game recap below, in figurines that most of you play with on a daily basis.

Disdainfully yours,

England

Lego Recap of USA vs. England

-read about vuvuzelas and K’naan at the World Cup here

-read about who will win the World Cup here

Note: We are aware of the New York Post’s reference to Bunker Hill, but this was too easy to pass up.