HTTN’s picks for Olympic sports that should be canned
I can give you 10 billion reasons there are too many sports included in the Summer Olympic Games. That’s the budget for hosting them this year, and it’s in pounds, not dollars. If the IOC is looking to cut some of those costs, here’s a novel idea: remove the sports no one cares about!
Since the IOC needs help narrowing down the list of events, we at HTTN have decided to help. We’ve already done the extensive research and analysis necessary to determine which sports should be cut.
List of sports to remove (including researched and analyzed reasons):
Badminton: Four teams were disqualified from the tournament. Half a week later, no one even remembers. Imagine if the four top runners were kicked out of the 100m final? We’d still be talking about it 100 years later, let alone five days. Conclusion: no one cares about badminton.
Squash: Psych! Squash isn’t even in the Olympics. And it shouldn’t be. Neither should badminton or ping pong. The only raquet sport that matters to the world is tennis. And I’ll get into that later.
Tennis: Fine, I’ll get into it now. It’s an awesome sport, but there are four world class tournaments in which the world’s best is determined every single year. Adding an erroneous “fifth major” that occurs once every four years makes as much sense as having an escape hole in the roof of a prison. With no guards watching.
Men’s Soccer/Football: Wait a second – isn’t there already a major tournament to determine this sport’s best every 4 years? “Yes, but there is an essential need to find out which country can field the best team of under-23 players plus three old men.” – Something no one ever said.
Beach Volleyball: It’s the same exact skillset as the sport in the gym, except they play on sand and wear less clothes! This isn’t going to make me very popular, but I don’t see the point.
Equestrian: Hey look, the filthy rich have found a way to win Olympic medals despite being unathletic. Definition of dressage: The art of riding and training a horse in a manner that develops obedience, flexibility, and balance. Might as well include dolphins jumping through hoops and bears balancing on beach balls since we’re giving medals to animal trainers.
Shooting: Yes, the world’s best shooter is in London right now. He’s perched on the building across from Buckingham Palace and he’s never told a soul what he does for a living. You could try to go up there and give him a medal but he’ll probably end you.
Handball: No one even knows what handball is. This is the most I’ve ever talked about handball. What a waste. (of space on my blog’s server) Aside: I hope no Europeans are reading this. Apparently there’s some serious handball hooliganism out there.
Am I being harsh? Maybe. But what if we all just agree that all we really want to watch is swimming, track cycling and anything in athletics. Wouldn’t the world be a better place?
Want to add to my list? Please do so below.